I hope this post isn't negative, I don't want to take away from the positive sides of social media. Instead I want to highlight the 'not so great' parts. Social media is full of motivational quotes and ideas, aimed at telling people that they are special. It is also full of Jenners and 'influencers', that on the surface appear to be promoting positive messages. But with their millions of followers, workout routines and flawless skin, they seem unreal and almost dreamlike.
We live in a world where we are all so aware of being our best selves, or at least appearing to be. That idea in itself is beautiful. I believe everyone should fight for themselves, to be the best version of themselves. But whatever that is should come from within, not from social media expectations.
My instagram feed is a classic example of this. I follow a lot of pages that are designed to be motivational, in what ever area they focus on. For a long time I followed so many fitness pages, because I was convinced it would motivate me to actually use my gym membership. It didn't, it just reinforced this idea in my head that I will never be like that. I will never be that person that goes to the gym however many times a week. I didn't even like PE in school, but I expected myself to do what other people do. Because they have amazing lives, and my life couldn't be amazing without going to the gym.
Is that really what makes live great? If its not, why do we follow so many accounts that preach it is? Why do we compare ourselves to instagrammers and celebrities. And more to the point, how do you become someone in this life full of loved people. This is something I have personally struggled with. Its very easy for any Kardashian to promote something, whether they believe in it or not. People will notice it, read it and believe it even. Because of who they are.
So how do you put out relevant, meaningful, real content that you believe the world should read when you're just you? You are not extraordinary.
For a long time I thought I needed to be something I am not to be successful in this industry. I thought I needed to be this perfect idea and image of a women, with the perfect life and perfect experiences. I lost everything I stood for, because I thought maybe my writing would be noticed more if I wrote about more 'likeable' content. Maybe if I spent money I don't have on the newest fashion trends, or started wearing a full face of makeup in my instagram photos. Maybe then, people would notice me. But then it wouldn't be me, and it wouldn't be real. Most of all, it wouldn't mean anything, not to me anyway.
I don't care about fashion trends enough, I don't have the time or effort to apply makeup day to day. I care about lives and people. I care about change and impact. I decided that I would rather one person read this, and it matter to them. Than for hundreds to read it along with the 50 other blogs they will read on the same topic.
I want my work to stand out, not myself. Because really, it doesn't matter who does the fighting, just as long as its being fought. It doesn't matter who I am, or what I wear. All that matters is what I experience in this world, and how I react to that.
I am not perfect or special, and Im okay with that. I have an ordinary life, I work in retail. My mood changes like the UK weather, and I cry, a lot. I sing in the car to myself, and I enjoy being alone. I spend most days at home, when I'm not working. I don't go to a lot of events or nights out. I don't have an instagramable lifestyle.
What I do have is thoughts, and a lot of them at that. I have a lot of issues with society, and some with myself. I have a voice, that I am learning to use. I have freedom and support. I know what I think is right, and I'm okay with telling people that. I'm argumentative, and I love it. I stand up and cause change.
'If you are not angry with the world we live in, you are not paying attention.' I can't remember who said this to me, but I think of it everyday. I am angry, about a lot of things. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. If I was okay with how our society treats people then I wouldn't have constantly being fighting for whats right since I was young. I would never have argued with a teacher, a parent or a friend. I wouldn't have left my previous relationship. I wouldn't have gone to uni. I would not be who I am if I was okay, if my life was okay.
'Life is unfair.' is also something I hear a lot. And it is, for now. We, as humans, make life unfair. We treat others like they're nothing, we don't listen, or care. We are simplifying life, thinking that has always, and will always be, just unfair. That somethings just don't happen for some people. While others get everything. We create our world. We construct ourselves and others. We cause everything.
And with that, we can cause everything to change. To be better. You don't have to be the perfect person to imagine a perfect world. You just have to take what you have, what we all have. A life. However you experience that life, use it. Learn from it. Teach others with it. Be content with yourself. And be angry. Change doesn't come quietly.