The first year of blogging and the fears.
I love blogging. I love what it does for myself and others. For me, finding a space where you feel confident enough to voice what you think matters is so important. I have been (half-heartedly) blogging for nearly a whole year now! In that time, Ive made 22 public posts, a hell of a lot of drafts and a few completed ones that Im not quite ready to share yet. Because as much as I love putting my writing out there, what I hate is being creative.
Creating content is my enemy. Good, intellectual, meaningful content on things I actually care about. I can find something to write about relatively easily, that comes naturally to having issues with most of modern day society. What I struggle with is turning that into a innovative, productive piece that people actually want to read.
I cannot stress how difficult it is trying to make a blog about periods sound attractive.
It's hard. Trying to keep up with all these other 'lifestyle bloggers', when realistically (and unfortunately) I know that a blog about makeup or hair or fashion is going to do better than mine. Because more people read those. When I first even thought of creating a blog I was terrified. You have this intrinsic fear of what if no one reads this. What if I pour my heart out and no one reads it? At first I couldn't think of anything worse. But when I realised people were reading it, it also dawned on me that pretty much everyone reading it actually knows me, in real life. There is no where to hide in this game.
It's really tough to put yourself out there initially, and although I do think I've 'grown into' my writing, its still hard to publish something that's potentially so controversial.
I'm also really (like really) bad at being consistent. This ties into the fact that I suck at creating content. I start writing something, get half way through and start something new, never to return to the original. I just suck at finishing blogs. I'm invested to begin with, but unless it is something I am truly passionate about I just give up. I forget and quite honestly just don't make time for writing. But once you start a blog, you feel like you have to keep it up. And of course I want to, like I said I love blogging, but when you start you feel a lot of unnecessary pressure. From yourself. Sometimes I will just sit with my laptop just staring at a blog page, just hoping I magically think of something, just because I feel like I should put out some new content.
I put myself under so much pressure, when the only reason I started blogging was so I had a way to stay academically engaged. All I wanted was an outlet. It has definitely gone above and beyond that. To have this little thing that is all mine makes me happy. It will stress me out, but ultimately it is the best thing I could've done. It has changed my outlook in so many ways. In a lot of ways it has made me realise how loud and powerful your voice can be when you put it out there. I'm a tiny tiny piece of this world but to know that this small blog comforts people is wonderful. This is why I blog.
When I published my first blog I was terrified. A lot of the time, depending on how angry we're getting, I still am. Im still scared, but thats okay.
Accept the fear, push the boundaries and cause change in whatever way you need to. You do you.
Katie x
